Winner of Best E-Mail

This was my submission for Week 13 in the NFL Against the Spread picks league. I'm honored to have won "Best E-mail" among such great competition. I'm also the only idiot dumb enough to think up a ton of poems...
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St. Louis @ Chicago (-9.5) -- CHI
When it's Bulger or Boller to choose at QB,
that's really no winning platoon.
And along with Jay Cutler we're likely to see
At least 17 picks this afternoon.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-6.5) -- TB
When I heard "Of The Man" would be on the bench,
I just had to change my choice.
Compared to the Ukrainian car that's Matt Moore
Ol' Jake's a brand new Rolls Royce.

Houston @ Jacksonville (-0.5) -- JAX
Ballbuster Pick of the Week: Taking home team in the 4th game listed.
Naturally, it is also the Gus Johnson game of the week, so a pick here only seems right.

Denver (-4.5) @ Kansas City -- KC
Arrowhead's not a good place to be
When you're heading there in December.
It's like being Barnes at a New York club
And white guy dance moves are all you can remember.

Tennessee @ Indianapolis (-6.5) -- TENN
I think I would listen if Chris Johnson told me
That he had a cure for cancer.
But he says the Titans will win out with Vince
And this Sunday we'll get a better answer.

Philadelphia (-5.5) @ Atlanta -- PHILLY
The sight of Mike Vick back in ATL
Could be a bit uneasy.
But it's the thought of Andy Reid eating Southern food
That's making me feel queasy.
And if ever a coach could do that to me
It'd be Reid or Eric Mangini.

New Orleans (-9.5) @ Washington -- WAS
Whose backfield has cooler names
Than Clinton, Ladell and Rock.
But then again we haven't seen much out of them
Except head injuries and inability to block.

Oakland @ Pittsburgh (-13.5) -- PITT
The Steelers weren't Stellars last week
With Dixon under center.
Hines Ward shouldn't talk, instead he should be
Serving as Big Ben's rape case mentor.

Detroit @ Cincinnati (-13.5) -- CIN
Both of these teams considered to be cats
When Lions and Bengals play.
Which basically means they can't eat 20 wings
At Hooters on any day.

New England (-4.5) @ Miami -- NE
Billy B.'s been lookin puzzled
Quite a bit this year.
No Brady knee, no camera cheats
To blame for all the jeers.
And so the pressers will drone on
With monotony... not tears.

Dallas (-1.5) @ New York Giants -- DAL
No poem for this.
The douche deserves his custom.
Romo is homo.

San Francisco @ Seattle (-0.5) -- SF
In battles between TV cities
With the "Full House," and "Frasier" shows,
I take Uncle Jesse to have no pity
On the Cranes' suits and richy-rich glow.

San Diego (-12.5) @ Cleveland -- SD
And what do I say about this gross affair
'tween lightning bolts and chunks of poop??
There's little to say that hasn't been said
On continuous and negative loop.
So I'll just save my mind and just save my time
And assume that the Browns won't regroup.

Minnesota (-3.5) @ Arizona -- MINN
Although he may not play in this game
Kurt Warner knows much more tonight.
Tim Tebow's not God and Brett Favre's lost one too
So the prayers can continue each night.

Baltimore @ Green Bay (-3.5) -- GB
I'll be in the stadium this Monday night,
Wearing a bullet-proof vest.
But Ray Lewis used a knife to kill a man right,
So having a body guard might be the best.